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Wednesday, 3 September 2008

Faltering...

Pertaining to a discussion amongst friends the other day, i thought it be a good time to share a little on the matter. Hopefully some of the words penned here today would help ignite some thought for some of you...

There are many reasons why someone enters into a relationship, and most (i hope!) expect it to last - maybe even forever. Nothing is perfect in this world though, and over time inevitable flaws will start to surface. From this point forth you may find yourself spending more time and effort conducting relationship repair work more than anything else. To the point you subconsciously structure your life to avoid conflicts with your partner, a behavioral pattern that is occasionally only visible to third parties. A pre-programmed behavior and line of thought engulfs you, constantly living a life not yours in fear of negative repercussions from your partner if you "didn't do this" or "didn't do that". Fact of life; at some point in time, you need to acknowledge and accept the fact that your current relationship no longer suits you. And it is always best to let go early then to struggle and try to salvage something beyond repair.

EVALUATION...

A good relationship begins with one-word; TRUST. Trust is not about disclosing all the details about your ex's and past life, nor about needing to know every little detail about your partner's past relationships. It is simply about BEING HONEST with each other. If you discover your partner being dishonest about her whereabouts OR worse yet, you start or have not been giving her your true honest opinion about anything, it's a bad sign. take note.

Now this part may seem shallow to some but lets face the facts, physical appearance is an important factor in a relationship. Simply because how attracted you are to your partner charts the course of your physical relationship, and truth be told, the physical part of your relationship has everything to do with every other aspect of your relationship. More so if you harbour hopes of a long term relationship. Her round eyes you once thought to be "oh soo cute" now makes her look like a toad, her oversized t-shirts you once thought made her look like a cute lil' kid now makes her look shabby - tell tale signs its going down the gutter. Unless you both live in a cyber world where you never have to meet, you need to take a good look at your partner and simply ask yourself "How hot is she?" Your answer will help you in your evaluation. Be honest to yourself.

Problem evaluation. You need to take the time to assess the frequency of conflict & flammability. Problem is, once you've been in a relationship for a period of time, it'll be difficult for you to be able to evaluate the situation properly. For example, it might be hard to gauge how much fighting is normal. Sporadic arguing and the occasional bouts of screaming fights, is common. But constant nagging and bickering
,
however, is a sign of serious relationship problems. If you can't get through the week without any exchange of negativity or any conflict, its best you both went your separate ways. Over frequent arguments or heated discussions could be caused by built up resentment towards each other's ceratin attributes or actions - subconciously holding a negative grudge towards each other. Another point to consider is how quickly you get angry, only takes a word or two from her mouth, and you're ready to go to war...

Friends & Family. Think about how your significant other gets along with your family, colleagues and most importantly your friends. Of course, you don't want to keep a girlfriend around just because your family and friends like her
. Your friends and family have been with you through numerous relationships, partners have come and gone, but your friends and family have always been there throughout the years. How well your partner gets along with your friends is a crucial role in determining the lifespan of your relationship. It'll take a toll on you when you try to balance 2 lives, evolving around your friends and one with your partner. The world and your life doesn't and cannot be just about the two of you. Bear in mind that your friends and family are the pillars of your life.

Without a doubt every relationship has problems. Try to resolve the problem as soon as it arises, dragging it on or keeping mum to avoid conflict will only compound the hatred and resentment, leading to a potentially disastrous outburst at a later date. Every relationship deserves a thorough evaluation before you decide to bin it though, so take a step back, have a good look, talk to your friends, think, and then you'll have a clear picture if its to be "marital bliss" or straight into the abyss!

- By Jwan Heah, Inspired and guided by Andrew Moore, relationship extraordinaire.

3 comments:

Emily T said...

So, ask yourself:

"Will Emily still be hot to me two, five, ten, twenty years from now?"

Your answer better be a loud and sure YES!

Jason said...

Yes Jwan, the Jason you met while having satay celup in Melaka.

Emily, of course you will look hot, for the ermm, next 15 years, after that, we shalll see, okay? :P

Alicia PCL said...

And Em would be asking herself too:

"How hot will Jwan be after 20 years? " Wait a minute... he's not even hot NOW!! Muahahah

:p